Humor in Aviation

Now let's not get too serious. There's more to the study of human factors in aviation than just slips, lapses in memory, errors and loss of situational awareness. Here's a lighter side to it.

The following classic jokes, with variations, can be found in almost every book with airline humor. And it must have happened somewhere, somehow … … .


During a particularly rough flight, the airliner pilot addresses his passengers: "The turbulence we passed through was rough, but we have passed that now. The rest of the flight is expected to be smooth." The pilot was unaware that his PA switch was stuck on, and leaned over to the co-pilot and said, "Boy, was that rough! What I need now is a hot woman and a cold beer."

A flight attendant in the rear of the aircraft heard this, and ran forward to warn the pilot. As she neared the cockpit, an elderly woman passenger stopped her saying, "Don't forget the beer!" [1]

An airline pilot hammered his ship into the runway really hard on a certain flight. The airline had a policy, which required the pilot to stand at the door while the passengers exited, give a smile, and a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline." He said that in light of the bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment.

Finally everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?"
"Why no, M'am," said the pilot, "what is it?"
The little old lady said, "Did we land or were we shot down?"

(Image embedded from Aviation Humor on 04 Oct 2009)

As a C-5 Galaxy landed and cleared the active, it taxied by a Boeing 747 holding short of the runway. The C-5 aircraft commander, knowing how much larger his giant military behemoth was than the civilian aircraft, keyed the mic and asked the 747 captain, "Hey little buddy, what's your gross?" Not to be out done the 747 captain keyed his mic and replied, "A little over two hundred thousand dollars a year, how about you?"[2]

Size matters. Shortly after just landing at a big international airport in his Cessna 150, our hero strolls into the busy airport cafeteria for a bite to eat. He finds an empty table by the window to keep an eye on the airport comings and goings. Shortly thereafter, a striking woman walks up and asks to share his table. Naturally, he invites her to sit down. After several minutes of small talk, the woman asks if he is a pilot. He responds, "Why, yes, I am — I fly a C-150." Knowing next to nothing about airplanes, she asks him what a C-150 is. The pilot looks out the window and spots a C-130 Hercules taxing out for takeoff. Pointing to it, he tells his companion, "See that plane over there? That is a C-130. I fly a C-150!"

Did you hear about the new flight regulations for commercial aircraft? Now all commercial pilots must be able to read and write, hence, the two-pilot rule. One must be able to read and the other write.

(Image embedded from Aviation Humor on 04 Oct 2009)

Conversation between a pilot and an Aviation Medical Examiner
Doctor: Turn right and cough.
Pilot: (cough)
Doctor: Thank you. When was your last sexual experience?
Pilot: Well…ah..about 1957.
Doctor: Kinda been a while ago, hasn't it?
Pilot: Yes…but..I had to leave at 2005 to come over here.

Overheard on a flight on a particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach the Captain really had to fight the weather. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant came on the PA and announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Anchorage, Alaska. Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!" [4]

(Image embedded from Aviation Humor on 04 Oct)

Flight Training

The student in his primary trainer was flying a solo cross-country. He lost his way and before he finally ran out of fuel he decided to put it down on a road. With hardly any cars on the road he managed to coast his aircraft into a gas station and said to the attendant, "Fill 'er up!" The attendant just looked at the pilot.

"I bet you don't get too many airplanes asking for a refuel," said the pilot.
The attendant replied: "True, most pilots use that airport over there."

A student pilot became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position?"
Student: "When I was number one for takeoff".

ATC - "Cessna XXX, What are your intentions? "
Cessna pilot - "Get my Commercial Pilots License and Instrument Rating."
ATC - "I meant in the next five minutes not years."

(Image embedded from Airlineworld on 04 Oct 2009)

Air Traffic Control

Female Radar controller: Can I turn you on at 7 miles
Airline captain: Madam, you can try

Pilot: Tower, please call me a fuel truck
Tower: Roger, you are a fuel truck.

Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"
Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches"

Tower: Aircraft in holding pattern, say fuelstate?
Aircraft: Fuelstate
Tower: Say again?
Aircraft: Again….

After this the tower controller switches off his radio and climbs down the stairs to drink coffee the rest of the afternoon.

(Image embedded from Flightcrewzoo on 04 Oct 2009)

Flight Attendants

From the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry… Unfortunately none of them are on this flight……"

From an airline attendants during the in-flight safety demo, "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane…so please listen." [5]

Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the flight attendant came on with: "Ladies and gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt up against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."

(Image embedded from Flightcrewzoo on 04 Oct 2009)


From actual maintenance complaints generally known as squawks or problems submitted by Qantas pilots to maintenance engineers. After attending to the squawks prior to the aircraft's next flight, the maintenance crews are required to log the details of action taken as a solution to the pilots squawks.

Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."
Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."

Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."
Solution: "Evidence removed."

Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud."
Solution: "Volume set to more believable level."

Problem: IFF inoperative.
Solution: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

Problem: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Solution: That's what they're there for.

Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."
Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."

Problem: "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough."
Solution: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."

Problem: "The autopilot doesn't."
Signed off: "IT DOES NOW."

(Image embedded from Highland on 04 Oct 2009)
1. Aviation Humor 105 - Retrieved on 04 October 2009
2. Aviation Humor 109 - Retrieved on 04 October 2009
3. Flighthumor - Retrieved on 04 October 2009
4. Geocities - Retrieved on 04 October 2009
5. Airlinehumor - Retrieved on 04 October 2009

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